No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
