The maid of honor just puked.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
