Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
