I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
