I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
