She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love you.
Bad choice
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
