Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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