White coat. Heels.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
