Say something about gay babies.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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