wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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