so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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