he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
