wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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