i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
