Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
