There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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