bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
