This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
