the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
