I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
