last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've blown a few things in my day
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
