Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
