I feel great
I just peed on a car
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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