Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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