Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
