Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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