Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
