I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
