Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
