3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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