She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
