I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
