I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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