my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
