checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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