i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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