our cab driver is having phone sex.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
