I puked a lego.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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