I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
