My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
