so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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