Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
