my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there is glitter all over my balls
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
