I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she peed on how many people?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
