so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found your dick twin last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can I color on your dick again?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize