you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
