My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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