it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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