I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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