dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize