I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
