You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
