this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize