Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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