Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sober January is a disaster.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
