I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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