marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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