We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
