My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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