i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
