Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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