wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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