I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do herpes really smell.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
