I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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