I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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