brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
