is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize
