Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
