Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
