Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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