Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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