I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
