I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
