A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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