i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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