Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
