There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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