You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He better not be in your backpack
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
